Afraid
by WingsofRequiem
Summary: He was angry, because he was afraid he lost her. He was afraid to lose what he didn't have. But now, he did have her. She was now his. And he was now hers. Always. [Smut Oneshot]


**Afraid**

The sound of blood splattering on the ground was a interlaced with the sounds of clashing metal and screams cut short. A figure drenched in both blood and vividly glowing energy ripped his way through the unlucky group of slavers who had thought they could recapture him by their loathsome selves.

 _Amateurs._

His clawed fist wrenched faces off of skulls, while his great sword was a swinging blur of crimson death, trailing blood and gore everywhere the blade flew. His lyrium veins burned, and normally the agony would be tremendous. But in battle… That was when the pain only transformed itself into energy. Into power. Into rage. Rage, at what had been done to him. Rage, to fuel his fighting prowess, and make him into a warrior like no other.

"Fenris, look out!" A female voice shouted. Fenris's eyes widened as he turned around, barely seeing the oversized fist before it hit him square in the face. His feet left the ground, his sword flying out of his grip, as he too flew back. Five feet, ten feet, twelve feet, spinning before he landed on the ground on his front, skidding another five feet. Disoriented, Fenris cursed himself for his lapse of attention. He had been so drawn into his own anger and the frenzy of battle that he had allowed himself to be taken by surprise. Then again, he wasn't the only one surprised, for what had hit him was a towering…

"Maker save us." He heard Aveline mutter as he looked upon the beast that had hit him. A pride demon. He was lucky to even be alive after a hit like that.

"Fenris!" A woman rushed to his side, sliding the last few feet as she stood in between him and the demon. She swung her arm and her staff at the air in front of her, as a hailstorm of fire and ice fell from the heavens, conjured by her magical powers, pelting the demon as it roared in defiance, forced to protect its face as it stumbled back from the maelstrom. "Are you okay?" Marian Hawke asked, looking back at him, her bright blue eyes wide in concern.

"I'll live." He said as Aveline quickly made her way next to them, holding her shield up while handing Fenris' sword over as Marian helped him back to his feet.

"They had a Magister who tried to take a bigger bite than he could chew." Marian said, her usual sarcasm returning now that she was settling back down into a cool head.

"Looks like he can bite and chew anything right now." Varric said as he ran up to them from behind, cocking another bolt into Bianca as he looked up at the Pride Demon, who had recovered and was sizing them up now.

"You'd might as well be a bite-sized snack to him." Marian said with a grin as Varric chuckled. Fenris, raised his blade, somewhat admiring the fact that Hawke and Varric could still maintain humor in a tense face-off like this. And he couldn't deny that it did a good job of regaining morale for them, especially as the Pride Demon charged.

"Aveline, distract him. Varric, get those eyes." Marian said as she spun her staff around before smacking the butt of it into the ground, blue light erupting out of the point of contact as three large spikes of ice shot out of the ground at the Pride Demon. The demon barrelled into it, shattering the spikes, but at least his charge was stopped. Aveline ran into action, slicing along it's shin as the demon roared at her. Varric ran off to find a vantage point as Marian looked back at Fenris.

"Fenris, you-"

"Go and hit it until it dies. I know." He said, looking flatly at her. They shared a moment's connection through that look, before Fenris allowed a small smirk to appear on his lips.

And like a gazelle springing forward, Fenris rushed the giant beast, his lyrium markings beginning to flare up once more. Aveline striked the back of its knee as the Demon roared, forced to kneel as it looked for the woman. A twang, a swish and a bolt found its way into one of the numerous eyes on its face. It wouldn't blind the beast, but it definitely did a great job of drawing its aggression away from Aveline as it roared in pain, its arms going up to shield its face instinctively.

When it lowered its hands, it only managed to see the shadow of death. Of Fenris, as he dropped from his leap, his massive sword coming down in an overhead swing.

Fenris roared as he slashed his sword down at the demon's ugly maw, but his sword did not cut as true as he had hoped, It cut into the top of the beast's skull, and stuck there, embedded into it's thick bone.

The beast roared, rearing back in pain as Fenris held onto his blade for dear life, being swung around like a ragdoll. He managed to plant his feet into the face of the demon, barely managing to avoid its gnashing teeth. And like the famous story figure who pulled a sword out of a stone, Fenris dug his feet into the demon's face as he grunted with effort, his arms straining as he begun to wrench to sword out of the beast's face.

"I can't get a shot!" Varric said, unable to shoot in fear of hitting Fenris.

"There are more slavers!" Aveline shouted as she engaged in battle with another squad of attackers.

"Fenris, I can't hold it for long!" Hawke shouted as Fenris realized that she was holding the demon's arms away from squashing him like a bug on its face. With a final roar, Fenris pulled his sword out a couple of inches, before stabbing it down, right through the beast's skull, the tip of it coming out of the back. The beast went silent as it swayed, and Fenris pulled his sword out. But the demon had swayed forward, and that caused Fenris to fall off. He landed like a cat, however, flipping mid air to land on his feet, into a low crouch to absorb the fall.

But then, he looked up at the demon's looming body, swinging forward, about to crush hi-

It stopped, and Fenris saw the magical binds holding it as Hawke screamed with the effort to hold it.

Fenris didn't waste time as he jumped out from under the beast, and the bindings failed, the corpse of the demon finally crashing into the ground with a final thud. Even though it had been for a second, being able to hold such a being up from crushing him… It had been nothing short of a miracle.

Fenris stared down at the corpse, before looking back, about to commend Hawke for her amazing feat. But his words died in his throat as he saw Hawke's blank expression, an arm around her throat from behind, the tip of a sword sticking out of her belly from behind, held by a masked assassin.

"Danarius sends his regards." The assassin said, pulling the blade out before rushing away, leaving Hawke to fall to her knees.

"HAWKE!" Fenris screamed, dropping his sword and rushing to her side in an instant, quickly grabbing her before she fell. He scooped her up into his arms without delay, just as Aveline shouted "Take her, Fenris! We'll be fine!"

Fenris didn't even need her to say that, as he began to run towards the exit of the forest they were within, trying to get back to Kirkwall as fast as he could.

"Fenris…" Hawke said, her voice barely a weak whisper. Fenris allowed himself to look down at her as he ran, a bolt of fear piercing his being as he saw how pale she had suddenly become. Her hands were pressed against her stomach, but the blood was gushing out between her fingers. It was gushing out from her back too, where the sword had gone in. Fenris adjusted his grip so his hand was pressing on the entry wound.

"Don't speak, Hawke. You will not die today." Fenris said, an edge of fear and urgency lacing his otherwise usual bored voice.

"You… have a funny nose… Fenris." Hawke said, a weak smile coming onto her lips as Fenris allowed himself to look down at her in surprise, still not breaking his speed as he ran.

"Are you daft, woman? Shut up before you speak yourself to death." He said, the urgency rising in his voice as Hawke managed a small chuckle, before she suddenly went limp in his arms.

For a second, Fenris' heart stopped, and his feet almost tripped under him. But he heard her breathing. She had just fallen unconscious. Good, it meant she was alive. Bad, it meant it was very serious.

Fenris suppressed his grunt of pain as his lyrium markings flared up, his speed doubling as he ran for help.

He was never religious, but he prayed to whatever sadistic higher power there was that he would reach help in time.

…

Voices. She heard voices. Slowly getting louder. Actually, everything was getting louder.

It took Hawke a few seconds to realize she was slowly waking up. Why was she sleeping? Why were people in her room? And why couldn't she move or open her eyes?

"I did all I could, her wound is healed but it was very bad." She heard Anders say.

There was suddenly a sound of a scuffle as she heard the low growl of Fenris speak, "I swear to all the gods, mage, if you have done anything to interfere with Hawke's health aside from healing her, I will make you watch your own heart beating outside your body."

"I saved her life." Anders said in a seething voice. "That's a lot more than you can say."

There was a sudden sound of a fist hitting flesh, and the surprise of it suddenly jerked Hawke to awaken fully. She let out a soft groan of pain as agony lanced through the middle of her body. The sound drew the attention of both Fenris and Anders, who were on the verge of fighting.  
"Hawke!" They both said, quickly coming over to her bedside. Fenris kneeled on the ground next to her as Marian Hawke opened her eyes to look at them. Fenris looked… slightly unhinged. Anders, however, was sporting a rapidly purpling bruise on the right side of his jaw.

"Fenris… Apologize…" Hawke managed to say.  
"I don't need his empty apologies." Anders said, before continuing, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright... Feels like I got run through by 3 feet of sharp metal… But alright." Hawke said, her voice slowly gaining more strength as she looked back at Fenris. He was staring right into her, with anger in his eyes. So much anger.

"Don't you EVER. Do that again." Fenris said, his voice laced with promises of violence.

"Do not-" Anders began, but he stopped and took a step back as Fenris turned on him, his fury visible on his face.

"Anders… I'm okay. Thank you." Hawke said, sincerity and gratefulness in her voice, but also a silent message to leave her to handle Fenris. Anders nodded after a moment's hesitation, saying, "If you need me, I'll be downstairs. Aveline and Varric have been worried sick."

Anders left her room as he closed the door behind him. Finally, Fenris turned around towards her, his teeth bared in anger.

"What's got you so worked up?" Hawke muttered, slowly feeling strength returning to her body over time.

"You, you stupid little thing." Fenris said through gritted teeth.

"It's not like I told him to stab me." Hawke said, grunting with pain and effort as she pushed herself up onto her elbows, trying to sit up as she used the headrest of her bed to support her.

The anger suddenly diffused out of Fenris's face, replaced by shock for a moment before Fenris instantly looked away, averting his gaze. Confusion hit Hawke for a moment before she realized that, under the sheets, she was naked to the waist, and her sitting up had bared her upperhalf. She quickly gathered the sheets and pulled them back up, a tinge on her cheeks before she focused back on Fenris.

"That doesn't explain why you're so mad." Hawke said.

Fenris looked back at her, the anger no longer on his face but annoyance definitely lined in his furrowed brows. "I'm mad because you were stupid enough to let that bastard sneak up on you."

Hawke raised an eyebrow as she said, "You allowed a giant hulking demon from the pits of the Void to sneak up on you, and you don't see me spitting fury and punching my friends."

"That _Mage_ is not my friend."

"Stop changing the topic, Fenris." Hawke said, her piercingly blue eyes locked onto Fenris' emerald hued eyes.

"I'm mad because you almost died."

"We always 'almost' die, Fenris. You've almost died many times."

"I'm allowed to take risks like that, Hawke."

"No you are no-"

"Yes I am, I'm expendable." Fenris stepped closer to Hawke. "You're the center of all of this, Hawke. Me, Aveline, Varric, even that Mage… We're all expendable, but you're not Hawke."

"Don't be stupid Fenris." Hawke said, anger in her voice too. "You're not just my friends, you're my family. None of you are expendable."

"Yes we are!" Fenris shouted, punching the wall in anger as Hawke winced at the sudden outburst. Fenris was _really_ pissed. "Stop trying to save everyone Hawke. We're not important, you are. You need to save yourself as well."

"Fenris, that still doesn't explain why you're so irrationally angry." Hawke said, forcing her voice to calm down. "You're not saying something. What aren't you saying?"

Fenris turned away from her, looking at the hole in the wall he had made as he sighed. And just like that, all the anger seemed to diffuse out of him, but not into calmness. No, it only dribbled down in that familiar shroud of self-loathing around him.

"Because… Because I was afraid. More afraid than I've ever been in my pitiful life." Fenris said, his voice low and resigned. Hawke was slightly taken off guard by that answer. It wasn't what she was expecting, this sudden admittance to vulnerability.

"I was afraid, Hawke. Afraid of losing you. You saved my life back there, and almost died as a result." He looked at her then, and there was hatred in his eyes. At himself. "My stupid failures always seems to keep getting you into harm's way. You help me at every turn, and despite being a mage, have saved me numerous times. Even I've come to look past my hatred of your kind and… respect you. Not just as the hero that you are, Hawke…" Fenris paused here as he swallowed, before continuing, "But also as my friend. You're one of the only people important in this world to me, Hawke. And I'm sodding mad that I only keep endangering your life."

"Fenris… I…" Hawke was at a loss for words, honestly. She couldn't think of what to say. Fenris looked so… forlorn, as he looked at her. He came down to one knee again as he kneeled next to her bed.

"I'm sorry, Hawke. I'm sorry you had to focus on saving my ungrateful life and almost lost yours as a result. I do not expect your forgiveness. I…" He uttered a short sound of scorn at himself as he lowered his face, "I don't even forgive myself. I don't think I ever will be for risking your life like that."

"Fenris." Hawke said, and Fenris felt her hands gently touching the sides of his face as she guided his face back up so her eyes could meet his. She was leaning so close to his face, their noses were almost touching. Her sheet had fallen off again, but Hawke didn't give a damn about her modesty right now. She only looked at those eyes of his, filled with so much pain and self-hatred that it made her hurt too. "There is nothing to forgive. There is nothing to blame yourself over. We are comrades in arms, warriors. I saved your life many times, but you've saved my life numerous times too. Even from the worst of foes…" Hawke's voice had lowered to a whisper at this point, as emotions flared up inside of her, memories… Memories of her mother's death… How she had fallen apart, and yet, in her darkest moments, Fenris had been there, offering comfort.

He didn't really know how to offer comfort, aside from giving her his company and his stash of alcohol. But… He had been there. He had helped. He had held her together, stopped her from shattering altogether. Marian had never forgotten that he had done that. And all of those thoughts came into her head right now.

"You've saved me many times, Fenris." She whispered, as Fenris' eyes widened slightly. "You… gave me reasons to keep fighting. Reminded me of why I should…"

"Hawke… I…" Fenris' voice couldn't obey his mind, as they both just stared at each other, barely a few inches separating them.

And then, the distance between them vanished as their lips met. Tenderly, at first, the softest of touches, of tastes. And then the kiss grew and deepened, and before long, Fenris and Hawke were sharing a deep kiss at the side of her bed. His tongue brushed against her lips, and she complied, parting them for him, as he kissed her even deeper.

She uttered a soft sound into the kiss as her hands went from the sides of his face to his neck. Fenris's hands braced himself on the bed as he raised himself back to his feet, before getting onto the bed, on top of Hawke. He was, however, still careful enough not to put any weight on her, seeing as she was still sore from the injuries.

His tunic found its way onto the floor as Hawke's hands roamed the hard planes of his upper body, feeling the bumps and lines on his skin from the lyrium markings. Fenris didn't react to it, but Hawke broke the kiss nonetheless. They stared at each other, soaking in the view of each other's eyes as they both panted, their heated breaths coalescing in the small distance between their lips.

"Does it hurt?" She asked gingerly. Fenris focused on catching his breath for a moment longer before saying, "Doesn't matter."

"Fenri-" Before she could say more, Fenris kissed her again, this time the intensity greater. Hawke uttered another moan into his lips as one of his hands held his body above hers, his other hand on her throat, feeling her pulse pounding. That hand lowered until it cupped one of her modestly sized breasts, as Hawke moaned into the kiss again.

The kiss broke as Fenris' lips began to explore their way down her neck, unwinding Hawke little by little as he did so. He paused by her breasts, tasting their pink peaks, causing Hawke to moaned into her arm, desperate not to be too loud. "Fenris…" She moaned as Fenris continued his descent. He began to unlace her pants, pausing, before he looked up at her in silent question.

She gave him a small nod, as Fenris's eyes seemed to gain a feral quality to them. How could he control himself, when looking up at Marian Hawke, the woman he had grown to love over the last year, who was always so self-assured and cocky and sarcastic, was now a blushing, shivering mess, holding her sounds and whimpers in with her hands.

He pulled her pants off slowly, breathing in the beautiful scent of her before lowering his mouth to the apex between her legs. And Hawke had to almost bite her arm to stop the loud moan from exiting her throat. Pleasure assaulted her senses like a barrage of magical lights, all over her body, sending lightning bolts up her spine. She could also feel pain, from her healed wound, the remnants of the injury, flaring up in response to the actions, but she couldn't give a rat's arse about that right now.

What Fenris was doing with his tongue was… illuminating, to say the least. And utterly draining for her mind, because Hawke found that words were a foreign concept to her right now. She felt herself fading, like she would in the void. Fading, floating. Higher and higher, she floated. It was as if she was being pulled up a rise, a mountain, towards a crescendo, closer and closer to the summit.

And then it all crashed downwards, like a great meteor shattering into a thousand pieces. Hawke could barely contain her scream as she let out a long sound into her arm, her other hand tightening on the bed sheets as her thighs involuntarilily closed around Fenris's head, her climax coming in waves of white pleasure that singed the very fabric of her mind.

As the blurred euphoria faded, Hawke parted her eyes to see Fenris's face above hers. She raised her hand and used it to pull his head down, her lips seeking his out as they kissed once more. Her fingers entwined themselves into his silky white locks as Fenris growled into the kiss, the vibrations of his sound pleasing Hawke.

Her other hand undid his pants as she felt Fenris stiffen in response, hesitating. The kiss broke, as Fenris looked at her, unsure. "Hawke…"

"Shush… Fenris." Hawke whispered.

"Venhedis, Hawke. You should- "

"Should what?" Hawke said, cutting him off, a small smile on her lips.

"I'm not very... "

"Very what?"  
"... I'm not worthy, Hawke."

Hawke looked at him, seeing the sadness in the way he winced slightly. "Fenris… I would not have kissed you if I didn't…"

"But, Hawke."

"Shh. No buts."

"Hawke… Marian."

"I'm yours."

Fenris kissed her, a kiss filled with love and devotion as he guided himself to her entrance. And in one smooth motion, he entered her, filling her completely. He felt her breath hitch in response, feeling her kiss stutter and then deepen as they both adjusted to each other.

As the kiss broke, Fenris allowed himself flower, his chin almost touching Hawke's shoulder as he gritted his teeth.

"Marian…" He growled. "You're so…"  
"Fenris." Her voice was breathless, his name like a prayer spoken as her hands found their way around his back, encircling him in a loose embrace. He then began to start moving, oscillating into her slowly at first, but slowly gaining a smooth pattern of motion.

Her pale skin had a permanent pink glow to it as Fenris raised himself above her again, facing down at her. Her eyes were closed, her face slightly turned to the side as she bit her lips, her pale white skin flushed, her short dark hair messy. She was beauty and radiance, and she was his.

Their movements began to pick up pace as one of Fenris' hands found Hawke's, and their fingers laced themselves with each other.

"Hawke… Marian…" He breathed, every breath a whisper of her name. "Hawke… I'm… I'm close…"

"Do it…" She said, her voice hoarse, her words barely discernible. She could feel herself rising again, feel her insides begin to squirm and twitch in response to the pleasure that had already burned her nerves once before, and were preparing to flare once again.

"But…" Fenris' voice was a barely controlled growl as he didn't pause in his ministrations. She could feel him straining to hold onto himself, to hold control.

"Do it… Fenris, do it." She said, louder and louder as her hand tightened on his, her other hand digging her fingernails into his shoulder, eliciting another growl from him. "Do it! I'm yours, Fenris! Take me!" Her voice was almost a shout at this point as she felt Fenris' restraint completely eroding at her encouragement.

His motions became faster, harder, rougher as he pounded into her, a sheen of sweat covering his bronze skin, emphasizing the ripples of his muscles as he moved. She felt herself rising even higher than she had before, felt him becoming bigger inside of her.

"FENRIS!" She screamed, as Fenris snarled loudly while releasing his seed into her. She felt herself climax once again as his warmth filled the deepest parts of her, felt herself being frayed into a million strands, all spiralling out into the abyss of the void, before coming back together. She didn't know how long she moaned as they both climaxed, but time itself had lost meaning in the afterglow. He collapsed on top of her (Still gentle, she noticed, as he let himself down slowly), breathing harshly, muttering small curses in Tevene as he panted. She felt the heat of his body on top of hers, diffusing into her. His weight was a comfort rather than pain, and as he moved to push himself off of her, she gently held onto him with her hand that had probably left marks on his shoulder. He hesitated, but complied, staying on top of her.

"I'm yours…" she whispered, her own voice breathless and husky.

"And I'm yours, Marian..." Fenris responded, fixing his eyes on her. For the first time in a long time, Hawke saw none of the pain or sadness that lingered in Fenris' eyes. None of the hatred or anger. She only saw devotion, how he revered her. She saw his eyes soft with the afterglow of emotions they shared together.

"Good." She whispered, giving him a small smile. "It's a deal then."

Fenris closed his eyes for a moment, a small smile coming onto his face as he shook his head barely. "So be it… It's a deal." He responded.

A deal it was, then. She was his, he was hers. From that point onwards. And they shared one more kiss to seal it. A kiss, of tenderness and trust, of affection and love.

A kiss that signified a future.


End file.
